What resembles the glue within teams, organizations, friends, and families? What is the catalyst of an innovative business venue? What are the core tools of conveying a coaching, training or pedagogical messages? The answer to all these fundamental required resources is Communication. Communication is fundamental proceeding a happy and fulfilled life. What is the use of a firefighter if he is not able to guide his fellows based on his observation? What use has a new disruptive venture when the additional value cannot be conveyed? What is the use of a coach when he cannot alter behavior by means of constructive and perspective changing communication?
Despite the fact communication is of immense value in any relation, creation or alteration, I dare to claim that nobody in the world is a perfect communicator. We should be aware of our communication endeavor day in day out. Next, we should constantly polish it as a rough diamond that becomes more beautiful by the day. Again, I dare to claim that nobody is a perfect communicator. If you are or if you know anybody who is, please let me know!
In essence, we can communicate on a heart- and a mind level. Both communication variants have their benefits and disadvantages. However, merely communication by heart manifests the catalyst for sustainable change. In life, we often want to improve behaviors and situations. Endeavor to learn how to communicate on a heart level is fundamental to achieve change. But where does communication on heart level refer to? And, how do I master communicating on a heart level?
Communication on a heart level starts with genuine and attentive listening. You first should seek to understand your interlocutor before conveying anything. Once you understand your interlocutor, the art is to align your message with the values and background of the other, while it should not be at the expense of the core of the message. Next, you should convey your message in a considerate manner, if necessary divided into consumable chunks.
In the case you want your spouse to stop being soggy in public, the following approach could work to alter the soggy behavior in public. You should first really try to understand why there is an urgency to by soggy with you in public. Which emotion or feeling underpin this behavior. Is there a fear of losing you if not being soggy? Is there an expectation that you desire this? Once that is clarified, together you can find a golden mean that matches with the desires of your spouse and yourself.
As stated before, communicating by heart starts with genuine listening. There are three interlinked concepts that you should always keep in mind if you practice genuine listening. Due to the thousand distraction that we have nowadays and the eternal distracting internal demons, we should always keep practicing this. If we can integrate continuous awareness of practicing these concepts, we can make the first steps towards communicating by heart.
Availability – When communicating with somebody you should grant him/her your full availability. You should be fully available in your mind to receive the message of the other. Listening while thinking about what happened in the last meeting at work or what you are going to have for dinner tonight, is out of the question.
Awareness – Your attention, your attitude, your tone etc., all affect the effectiveness of communication considerably. The challenge is to be constantly aware of your presence in the communication process. And if that is the case, alter it positively.
Attentiveness – This conjugation of attention refers to having full attention for your interlocutor. Not merely the words, but even so the facial expression and posture. Getting distracted by surroundings is inevitable but it should not be an excuse to constantly practice attentiveness.
Focus and balance these concepts towards genuine listening enables communication by heart.